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Mind Games

I’ve made no secret of the fact that I love being pregnant and will miss it horribly when it’s over. At the same time, I know all good things must come to an end. Life must go on.

Things are coming up on the calendar that somewhat require me not being pregnant any more. I say somewhat because I suppose I could still be pregnant but some people might be disappointed. Specifically my parents as they are driving up to the PacNW in just a few short days, arriving one week from today.

When I initially conceded to their travel plans, I honestly thought this baby would arrive a little early. Kiddo1 was two weeks early and they say the second is supposed to come faster, right? Wrong. Fucking wrong!!

See, all I’ve wanted for the early postpartum period is to be left alone with Mr. Handsome, Kiddo1 and Baby2 for just a few days. A few days to bond, to sleep, to breastfeed and to generally recover. And with each passing day, I feel like my wish is slipping away from me.

This leaves me with the mind game of feeling incredibly frustrated and impatient yet trying to fight it because part of me does want to hold on to every last pregnant moment. I think I’ve been handling it fairly well (I’ve only snapped at Mr. Handsome a couple times!) but my anxiety is leading me to try more induction tactics than I wanted and just not having a very cheery disposition.

Some things I’ve tried have started to feel successful but then fizzled. Great, so now the calendar and my body have teamed up to play against my mind. Just when I think, “This could be it!” the feelings pass and my thoughts return to frustration.

I started with labor cookies last week just for fun, before I started going crazy. They brought on some Braxton-Hicks contractions, but nothing serious. I’d love to make some more cookies but it is super hot this week, we don’t have air conditioning and I don’t want to turn on my oven. So, there that.

On Sunday, I drank this soda that usually gives me some… bowel movements (partially because I love this soda, partially because I haven’t pooped in days and partially because intestinal movement can trigger contractions). I had some contractions around dinner, they got up to five minutes apart for an hour, but then they just stopped. I didn’t even poop, damn it.

Looks yummy huh? Yes, I strain the shit out of it before I chug it.

On Monday I started drinking a concoction of red raspberry leaf tea, basil and oregano three times thought the day (basil and oregano are helpful herbs). I did a bunch of yoga in the morning to loosen things up and had some spicy BBQ chicken for dinner. Again, around dinner time, the contractions heated up but cooled off around bedtime.

Speaking of bedtime, getting to sleep is suddenly a total nightmare! I’ve been trying to go to bed early, around 9, but it will be 12, 1, once even 2 AM before I could nod off. This never happens to me! I’m a great sleeper! But since Sunday things have been different.

Yesterday, Tuesday, I pulled out all the stops. Three more tea drinks throughout the day plus some acupuncture in the morning and a ton of walking. I’d never had acupuncture before, so I was excited. It felt like it was working, and the contractions came intermittently throughout the day at a stronger intensity than I had felt so far. I even took another shower and did my hair after dinner because I was convinced that was it. But here I am, not in labor and no baby.

Basil-oregano deliciousness

Today I’m still trying. Instead of making tea (that stuff is gross), I had some basil pasta from the farmers market with an extra teaspoon each of basil and oregano mixed in. I just finished that and we’re about to go out to the science museum for a bunch of walking.

I know I need to relax. I’m trying to, I swear. I’m such a control freak when it comes to these things. And I’ve struggled with this for a couple weeks now! I just want things to go my way, damnit! But there is no way to control these things. I need to remember that. Whatever happens, it will be awesome. It will work out just fine. Mind over matter!

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2 responses »

  1. You are exactly where I was about 15 weeks ago. My control freak self thought I could bring out the baby with all of those strategies but I think some babies just have a mind of their own and will get here in their own sweet time. Hang in there! The end is near!!

    Reply

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