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Category Archives: Random Thoughts

Earth to Mother Mary

Where the hell have I been lately? I don’t even know. It must be some other planet – Planet Baby – because not only is life so very different here but it is so out of touch as well! The fog/high of delivery gave way to a fog of visitors followed by a brief fog of routineless, carefree summer, all mixed in with a whole lot of Baby Time.

Uploaded from the Photobucket iPhone AppSo much is new. Baby2 is growing so fast – why must they grow so quickly? She loves working on holding her head up, pushing her feet down in a “standing” position, moving her head and holding it up during tummy time, all that good baby exercise stuff. She already seems and feels so much bigger. She doesn’t fit in the dress she wore when we took her home from the hospital. That was a little sad to discover! But she did just start smiling so the blow of ill-fitting newborn outfits has been softened, somewhat.

Uploaded from the Photobucket iPhone AppKiddo1 started fourth grade on Wednesday. Deep breath. Fourth grade feels so… old! This year he is applying to be a safety helper or recess helper – only fourth and fifth grade students can do those jobs, so he’s very excited. He’s talked about doing those since kindergarten.

Uploaded from the Photobucket iPhone AppLuckily before school started we could fit in a camping trip. Baby2 is pretty good at night so we knew it wouldn’t be too bad. We stayed pretty close to home and found a great site on a river (river noise covers baby noise!) with only one other close campsite. Baby2 did great all night anyway so I didn’t have to worry so much about finding a good site. She gets up to eat but as long as she’s dry she’ll go right back to sleep.

I have so much more to write about with her sleeping and baby-wearing and of course breastfeeding, which specifically needs a lot more attention since I wussed out on most of my planned posts for August’s National Breastfeeding Month. Sigh. I’m slowly working my way out of this baby fog!

Mind Over Matter

Yesterday, my frustration with Babywatch came to a head. My controlling self just can’t seem to get over the fact that childbirth, particularly waiting for childbirth, is not something I can command.

Today, I’m doing a bit better. I’m trying to relax and shift my focus. The fam and I went out to the science museum yesterday afternoon to entertain Kiddo1 and for me to walk around a whole lot. We were there for about two and a half hours and I pretty much walked the entire time, pacing around Kiddo1 and Mr. Handsome as they stopped at various exhibits. That made me feel productive.

Baby2 has been kicking around a whole bunch lately. She pushes her little feet farther and farther out at my side. I love to tickle her feet and watch her pull them back. She flips between right- and left-facing once a day, too. Every morning she’s on a different side (she only seems to flip at night) and I rediscover where her feet are to know where she is. It’s a fun little game.

I scheduled an appointment with my midwife for tomorrow morning, which will hopefully give me some peace of mind. I’m asking for a cervical check which will either confirm that things are moving or confirm that I just need to wait it out. And you know what? If my parents get here (in six days) and there is no baby or I haven’t had my recovery time, they’ll just have to wait too. It is what it is.

Playing soccer: Mr. Handsome likes to take action shots

In the evening we all took Max to the park and played soccer. The running and kicking made me feel more productive, plus it was another good time with the fam that got my mind off things.

I think part of my frustration comes from the fact that I’m not at work. Not only do I feel shitty because I’m not getting paid for this time off (until the delivery date, then my six weeks of maternity leave pay kicks in), but my mind seems to have no focus. I’m not in my normal routine. I’m not getting up early (although the sleeping until 8 has been fantastic!) I’m going to bed super late because I can’t sleep anyway (still no improvement on that front) and I have no set tasks for the day, no projects to finish, no schedule to keep. Sure, I like to be lazy as much the next guy, and I’ve spent a few mornings lounging on the sofa for a couple hours, but I like to have something to accomplish each day and right now I don’t have that.

With that recognition and the determination to do something each day, I’m feeling a little better. This morning, while it was still cool in the house, I made another batch of labor cookies. Baking usually relaxes me a little, in that it gives me something to focus on. This afternoon I’ll need to come up with an outside-the-house activity to do with the fam. I believe getting out of the house helps tremendously.

I’m feeling better today knowing that my sanity endures as long as I forget about the calendar and focus on what’s important: loving this pregnancy and my awesome family!

Mind Games

I’ve made no secret of the fact that I love being pregnant and will miss it horribly when it’s over. At the same time, I know all good things must come to an end. Life must go on.

Things are coming up on the calendar that somewhat require me not being pregnant any more. I say somewhat because I suppose I could still be pregnant but some people might be disappointed. Specifically my parents as they are driving up to the PacNW in just a few short days, arriving one week from today.

When I initially conceded to their travel plans, I honestly thought this baby would arrive a little early. Kiddo1 was two weeks early and they say the second is supposed to come faster, right? Wrong. Fucking wrong!!

See, all I’ve wanted for the early postpartum period is to be left alone with Mr. Handsome, Kiddo1 and Baby2 for just a few days. A few days to bond, to sleep, to breastfeed and to generally recover. And with each passing day, I feel like my wish is slipping away from me.

This leaves me with the mind game of feeling incredibly frustrated and impatient yet trying to fight it because part of me does want to hold on to every last pregnant moment. I think I’ve been handling it fairly well (I’ve only snapped at Mr. Handsome a couple times!) but my anxiety is leading me to try more induction tactics than I wanted and just not having a very cheery disposition.

Some things I’ve tried have started to feel successful but then fizzled. Great, so now the calendar and my body have teamed up to play against my mind. Just when I think, “This could be it!” the feelings pass and my thoughts return to frustration.

I started with labor cookies last week just for fun, before I started going crazy. They brought on some Braxton-Hicks contractions, but nothing serious. I’d love to make some more cookies but it is super hot this week, we don’t have air conditioning and I don’t want to turn on my oven. So, there that.

On Sunday, I drank this soda that usually gives me some… bowel movements (partially because I love this soda, partially because I haven’t pooped in days and partially because intestinal movement can trigger contractions). I had some contractions around dinner, they got up to five minutes apart for an hour, but then they just stopped. I didn’t even poop, damn it.

Looks yummy huh? Yes, I strain the shit out of it before I chug it.

On Monday I started drinking a concoction of red raspberry leaf tea, basil and oregano three times thought the day (basil and oregano are helpful herbs). I did a bunch of yoga in the morning to loosen things up and had some spicy BBQ chicken for dinner. Again, around dinner time, the contractions heated up but cooled off around bedtime.

Speaking of bedtime, getting to sleep is suddenly a total nightmare! I’ve been trying to go to bed early, around 9, but it will be 12, 1, once even 2 AM before I could nod off. This never happens to me! I’m a great sleeper! But since Sunday things have been different.

Yesterday, Tuesday, I pulled out all the stops. Three more tea drinks throughout the day plus some acupuncture in the morning and a ton of walking. I’d never had acupuncture before, so I was excited. It felt like it was working, and the contractions came intermittently throughout the day at a stronger intensity than I had felt so far. I even took another shower and did my hair after dinner because I was convinced that was it. But here I am, not in labor and no baby.

Basil-oregano deliciousness

Today I’m still trying. Instead of making tea (that stuff is gross), I had some basil pasta from the farmers market with an extra teaspoon each of basil and oregano mixed in. I just finished that and we’re about to go out to the science museum for a bunch of walking.

I know I need to relax. I’m trying to, I swear. I’m such a control freak when it comes to these things. And I’ve struggled with this for a couple weeks now! I just want things to go my way, damnit! But there is no way to control these things. I need to remember that. Whatever happens, it will be awesome. It will work out just fine. Mind over matter!

Mama’s Plea (Dinner Update)

So far today I have eaten:

– one piece of Starbucks Reduced Fat Cinnamon Swirl Coffee Cake (8:30 am)
– 20 almonds (9:30 am)
– one 6 oz. serving of raspberry yogurt (10:30 am)

Yet here I sit with powerful indigestion, unable to consume a morsel of the yummy Panera I procured for myself almost two hours ago when I did NOT have said indigestion.

Baby Girl, I love you but could you please make some room for my lunch?! My mind thinks I’m starving but my belly thinks otherwise.

I suppose there’s nothing to do but wait it out!

UPDATE: I finally ate the mac n’ cheese half of my “U pick 2” at 3:00 pm.

I had a banana at 6:30 pm.

Indigestion set back in around 7, but I refused to accept it and I had two mini York Peppermint Patties at 7:30 pm.

I now feel like I want to throw up.

Grrrr! I’m really hoping this indigestion phase is a short one! Shorter than 10 weeks please!